I wasn’t sure whether to write about this. Its self-indulgent, but maybe someone can empathise with this, or at least parts of it.
I kind of hoped that my finding FIRE as a concept would really help me get some focus and drive to be free and happy. Its definitely given me something to aim for and a new perspective on saving and a far improved financial intellect, but I think I’m becoming too conscious of it.
I feel like its taken over from all of my other interests and my spare time I’m now desperately trying to find a new book or blog to satisfy the thirst for knowledge. I can’t find much that is new and so I’m checking my investments more on an hour-by-hour basis. Maybe its my job that is not keeping me occupied enough? Either way, I’m tracking my net worth almost hourly and I don’t think that is healthy.
The bedrock of mine and Mrs FFF’s plan is to work hard for 5 years in our well paid jobs, get the work done we need to do on our house and set a foundation from which one or both of us can downgrade our jobs in the knowledge that we’re well on the way to financial freedom. My wife is really struggling with her job and her own mental health issues and so I’m selfishly concerned that she will have to leave and it will upset our plans.
Before all this, I would be telling her to quit if she hates it and not worrying too much about it as we have one good wage and we can cover our bills and living costs on that quite easily. I’m still saying that to her now but I can’t help resenting it too now and its definitely having an impact on my psyche because it means I will have to work longer. Work in a job that I’m feeling very ineffectual at and is not fulfilling. Work that I cannot see me doing for the rest of my career if its going to be 20 years, not 5-10 years as I’d been planning.
If I had known this would be happening with mine and my wife’s jobs, we should never have bought this house and gotten a larger mortgage. Don’t get me wrong, we’re lucky that we can always sell and downsize and have a much smaller mortgage if we wanted to, but we have had a taste of this house now and so it would be horrific (and costly) to have to move again.
I should also mention that we (or more accurately my wife) are having IVF treatment right now. Our first child was IVF and this is now our 2nd attempt post our son being born and this is expensive as we’re on our 5th go in total. My wife is convinced that her work is affecting her health and the chances of success.
I guess the only road forward is to take one day at a time at the moment, re-evaluate in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months. If anyone has any advice or experience with all/some of this, then I would be glad to hear your thoughts.